In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

A lot of my friends do not know that I fear going to the office of our children’s Muslim pediatrician. The last two times I was there I felt stripped of my right to question and to be a voice for my children who can’t yet stand up for themselves. I sought answers from their pediatrician about vaccinations and was open minded to discussing anything that would allow me to get past my fears of vaccinating my children, but the response was enough to frighten me to never want to go back to that office again. Instead of having an open discussion I was made to feel guilty for not preventing disease and possibly death for my children if I didn’t have them vaccinated according to their own schedule. I was made to feel irresponsible and selfish and my ignorance was thrown right in my face without any one of my doubts being answered with evidence. I did get an invitation to visit the American Academy of Pediatrics’ website but that did not suffice for me.

I have friends who have children with Autism and other psychological disorders. 1 out of every 150 children have Autism and as I just heard someone on a video say, this does not include all the other psychological disorders that are affecting our children.

I am ignorant and I accept it but my ignorance leads me to be cautious. Islam teaches me to be cautious. I can’t allow someone to touch my children with something that could possibly harm them in more than one way for life or even kill them. My pediatrician and the pediatrician’s of many others want to make us think that because we are ignorant and because we are not scientists or researchers or doctors that we must just go with the flow. I don’t think so.

I do feel bad that my pediatrician hasn’t seen my kids but that right was lost when they failed to acknowledge that I am the mother of my children. I know plenty of sisters who fear questioning their child’s pediatrician out loud because they know they don’t know enough about vaccines or Autism anyways. Do they have a right to even question? Do I have the right to question if I am not one directly involved with the making and researching of these vaccinations? Who do I think I am? How dare I question my pediatrician who has studied for so many years and who relies on the research of others?

Why am I sharing this? It’s because I got a link to a video here. That led me to you tube to watch a few videos about Autism and vaccinations. I’ve read this stuff before and my issues with my pediatrician happened probably a year ago now, so what is the deal now? The issue is that I can’t step back into their office without shaking. My children’s Medicaid does not cover the ND we visit about an hour away. We do have some available closer but this is who I decided I could attempt to trust and that is who we go see. But the very fact that I shake at every thought that my children will have to step back into the office of someone who thinks I don’t care to protect my children from disease and could even cause their death, is enough to make me share this with you.

I have attempted not to hold a grudge but how can I not? The very fact that the pediatrician is a Muslim only makes it worse. How do I overlook such treatment and not make it personal when it is personal? It is the life of my children and I am the mother – the one who will care for them day and night if Allah continues to give me that ability.

I’ve attempted finding a different pediatrician and am still searching for someone more open minded. I have kept this one because I have no other choice if my children will be using Medicaid in this state. Will I go back eventually? Allah knows best. If our ND recommends it, I may, insha’Allah.

When my baby was sick a few months ago I was scared to death. I begged Allah for His Mercy so many hours of each day that went by. I had no support from anyone near me. Most of the support was from people I have met online and online forums that spend their time encouraging people to keep trying, against all odds. I was actually trying to keep it all natural. I called the pediatrician’s office to ask for advice – something that is normally given to me when my children go every few weeks, but this time it was taken from me and I was made to feel guilty for not having taken them in a few months. Why should I when I know that the agenda of vaccines will be thrown at me once again and when on top of that I will probably hear it worse than I did the first time?

We took him to the hospital and we got the antibiotics and they sat in our fridge but I avoided them as long as I saw improvement in my baby. By Allah’s Mercy, after all the sleepless nights and after all the tears and dealing with attacks (some harsh and others not so much but still there) by people that I love, Allah allowed him to get over it without medication – Alhamdulillahi Rabbil ‘Alameen. I tried everything in hopes that I could start believing more in the perfection of our bodies that Allah gave us. Our immune systems are very complex – amazing indeed.

Do I owe any thanks to my pediatrician? Not at all. Did I cure him? Allahul Musta’an! It was only by Allah’s Mercy that He was cured but I am ever so grateful for rebelling against the norm and questioning things around me.

I met our ND during this hard time with my youngest and he taught me so many lessons in our first meeting. I’ll tell you something else. After seeing the quality of care that this ND gave my baby I realized that he truly cared for him. He didn’t rush me out of there. In fact, he wasn’t even really supposed to be at work that day! He wouldn’t touch him until my son felt comfortable to be touched and that was about an hour later, subhana’Allah. The only experiences we had with our medicaid pediatrician was a 10 minute wait and a 5 minute visit, AT MOST. How can you figure out how my child works in 5 minutes? Is that how important he is to these doctors today?

It costs to go to a ND but it is worth it. You don’t have to go to an ND all the time, however. I don’t. I call him up and I ask him for advice but I follow my motherly instinct and I do research and I go to friends who have a lot of experience with more natural medicine. I keep my mind open to western medicine and I keep the antibiotics in the fridge, just in case they are needed. But I don’t give in immediately. Yes, it took a lot to get to where I am now. Brother Abdullah from Heart Medicine and his wife can attest to that. And although I was worried, I am now so grateful, Alhamdulillah.

I remain ignorant about vaccines and the making of pills and so on as I am not someone who actually sits behind a desk actually studying and making these things. But I do not remain ignorant about my children, alhamdulillah. I spend my entire day with my kids, almost every single day of my life for the past 5+ years. I have held them tight when their bellies have been aching. I massage their feet when the growing pains hit them. I am hard when I have to be and gentle most of the time. I am not perfect – I make so many mistakes. But I remain their mother and if a pediatrician at any moment assumes that I would in any way want to hurt them then they can’t have my trust. And they need MY trust to lay a hand on my children.

I hope Allah opens a door for me to find someone more open minded and I hope that those friends of mine who would like to find more open minded pediatricians also get a way. I know that if I come across one that is covered by Medicaid I will for sure let them know if they are within town, but even then…even then, I will still not let go of my instinct nor will I allow myself to be consumed by all of the propaganda and pills and junky advice given to us.

This isn’t only about vaccines or Autism or psychological disorders. This is about letting us choose our own paths, even if they aren’t the norm. To pediatricians and the rest of mankind who fight us: Encourage us to get a hold of our lives in a holistic way, not just partially. Talk to us and give us room for questioning and even rebellion as is our right as parents. Give me some confidence when I step into your office and let me feel that you really do care about my children – COMPLETELY. Let me Earth School if I want to and if you disagree tell me why or just keep quiet – but do not make me feel low just because! And please show us that you are open minded to other people’s ideas such as Weston A. Price foundation and insha’Allah we will also remain open minded to your ideas.

To moms like me: please do your research and don’t let anyone make you feel lower because you are ‘just’ a mom. I am not a doctor but I know a whole lot about the world through the reading that I do and through the questioning that I make. I would not have found Islam if I didn’t question.

May Allah Ta’ala guide us to what is best and forgive us for our shortcomings. Ameen

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